What is Emotional Development?
We talk a lot about physical milestones — first steps, first words, first day at school. But there’s another set of milestones every child goes through: emotional development. A gradual process of learning how to understand feelings, express them in healthy ways, manage them, and relate to others with empathy.
Emotional development does not grow in isolation; it is closely tied to your child’s thinking skills and even their physical growth. Brain research shows that the same areas that help children manage emotions also support memory, problem-solving, and focus. Likewise, physical changes, such as learning to walk or mastering fine motor skills, open new doors for social interaction, confidence, and emotional expression. Over time, these emotional skills also help children build resilience, flexibility, perseverance, and a willingness to try new things. These are qualities that will serve them well in every stage of life.
This is why nurturing a child’s emotions supports their whole development, not just their feelings.
The Building Blocks of Emotional Development
Denham, Zinsser, & Brown (2012) describe three core areas of emotional competence that grow together:
- Emotional Expressiveness
This is how children show their feelings, through their faces, voices, and actions. A toddler may squeal with joy when you come home, while a school-age child might quietly beam when they win a game. Over time, children also learn when to show or hide feelings depending on the situation. - Emotional Regulation
This is how children manage the size and length of their feelings. It’s not about hiding emotions, but knowing how to calm down when upset, stay focused when excited, or find courage when nervous. - Emotional Knowledge
This is a child’s ability to recognise and understand emotions, in themselves and others. It includes knowing what different facial expressions mean, why people feel certain ways, and how feelings can change.
Each skill supports the others, and all are influenced by a child’s relationships, experiences, and environment. For instance, with parents who model and guide emotional behaviour; peers who offer real-life practice in sharing, conflict resolution, and empathy; and teachers who set the tone for emotional safety and learning in the classroom.
When these building blocks are strong, children tend to have better friendships, work well with others, and handle challenges more confidently. When they are weaker, children may struggle with peer rejection, behaviour challenges, or frustration in learning. The good news is emotional competence can be intentionally nurtured at home and in school through modelling, emotion coaching, and supportive environments.
Big feelings are normal
In early childhood, the brain’s emotion centres (amygdala and limbic system) develop faster than the “thinking” part that manages impulses (prefrontal cortex). This means children often feel before they can think through a situation.
Even as they grow, children may have periods where emotions feel harder to handle, especially during stress or change. Starting school, moving house, welcoming a new sibling, or changes in friendships can all temporarily stretch a child’s coping abilities. In these moments, it’s common for them to return to earlier behaviours, for example, becoming more clingy, easily upset, or using coping methods you thought they’d grown out of.
This is not a step backwards, but a way for the brain to seek safety and stability. With time, support, and consistency, most children return to their current stage of growth, often with stronger skills than before.
What It Looks Like at Different Ages
- Toddlers: Emotional awareness is just emerging. They have intense feelings but very little regulation, which means meltdowns are common because the emotional part of the brain is far ahead of the rational part.
- Preschoolers: Begin naming feelings and experimenting with ways to manage them, but still require adult co-regulation, which means their caregiver’s calm presence helps their nervous system settle.
- School-age children: Better able to understand cause and effect in emotions. They can start problem-solving and self-regulating with caregiver’s guidance. Friendships become more influential, so peer relationships affect mood and confidence.
- Teens: Experience more complex emotions like shame or self-consciousness, and may start masking feelings to fit in socially. They still need trusted adults who will listen without judgment, even if they act like they don’t.
How parents can support emotional development
- Name the feeling before fixing the problem. “You’re frustrated” can calm a child faster than jumping straight to solutions.
- Model healthy emotional expression. Show your child that it’s okay to be upset and how to work through it without hurting themselves or others.
- Stay connected. Warm, consistent relationships are the strongest foundation for emotional growth.
- Acknowledge and guide. Acknowledge emotions first, then help them think about what to do next.
- Be patient. Emotional skills, like physical skills, take years of practice.
Conclusion
Emotional development is not about “perfect behaviour.” It’s about raising humans who can feel deeply, express themselves honestly, and recover from life’s challenges. And just like learning to walk, it takes practice and a lot of falls along the way.
References
Blair, C., & Raver, C. C. (2015). School readiness and self-regulation: A developmental psychobiological approach. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 711–731.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. New York: Basic Books.
Campos, J. J., et al. (2000). A functionalist perspective on the nature of emotion. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 65(2), 284–303.
Denham, S. A., & Zinsser, K.M., & Brown, C. A. (2012). The emotional basis of learning and development in early childhood education. In B. Spodek & O. Saracho (Eds.), Handbook of research on the education of young children (3rd Ed., pp. 67-88). New York: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Immordino-Yang, M. H., & Damasio, A. (2007). We feel, therefore we learn. Mind, Brain, and Education, 1(1), 3–10.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York: W. W. Norton.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child. Carlton North: Scribe Publications.
